Better than novels.

Not GREat.

So I took the GRE on Friday. Everyone asks, you know...how'd it go? How'd you do?

The answer, of course, is fine. I did fine. Not great, not bad. Here's the thing though--I feel like I would have done just as well, if not better, as a freshman. It was a monumental waste of time.

I have no objections to the writing portion. Everyone should be able to write a persuasive paper, and analyzing arguments is a completely valid you-should-be-able-to-do-this-after-fifteen-years-of-school request. Cool. Didn't bother me.

But the math is basically just high school math and geometry, with some GHSGT-equivalent graphs. Now the graph/chart reading I can justify. You should know how to read graphs and charts. Fine. But there were maybe six graph questions, and none of them dealt with data analysis. In a digital society you don't need to know distance formulas off the top of your head. You can Google it. You can call someone. And why can't you use a calculator? How many cell phones don't have a calculator on them?

The verbal is mostly a glorified vocabulary test. There are some analogies, which I approve of because they do involve critical thinking, but choosing opposites? What are we, six? It was bullshit. The critical reading was an excellent idea. Critical reading is important. I had maybe nine critical reading questions.

Also, while we're talking about how bogus it was: $140. $140 dollars for a crap test that says very little about you and mostly just puts forth a very depressing message about the out-dated system of graduate admissions. There's no reason that test should be $140. It's electronic. You get everything but your writing score instantly. Taking advantage of students is kind of sucky.

The thing that got me while I was taking the test is how easy it would be do to super well with a prep book or two. Get a vocab book, get a math book, and work them. You'd ace it, especially if you were a competent writer. Never mind that you shouldn't have to re-learn eighth-grade algebraic equations in order to get in to graduate school. The point is, if you're willing to, you can. Which does actually say something about how successful you'll be as a student, I'll give them that.

The only other thing that pleases me is that most of the schools I'm applying to don't ask for the GRE. And seriously? I don't even know that I want to go for sure. I mean, I'd love to, but there's a lot of things I'd love to do.

The Green Sheep Graduate Admissions Exam would be in the following approximate format:

1. Writing I: 45 minutes. Write an argument, choose from one of two topics.
2. Writing II: 30 minutes. Analyze an argument. Probably the one you just made, but sometimes not.
3. Verbal I: 30 minutes. Critical reading. Analyzing text.
4. Math I: 25 minutes. Logic/word problems.
5. Verbal II: 25 minutes. Analogies. Geography.
6. Math II: 30 minutes. Graph and chart analysis.

Again, approximate. Not perfect, but it'd be a much better indication of your skills, I think. And we wouldn't videotape you while you took it.

Maybe I need a break from education. Know of any hotel-critic jobs?